Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
