You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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