That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you had me at cake vodka
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
