i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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