your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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