if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
