Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
