he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
