i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
