I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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