I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
