how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
