Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
