I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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