I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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