no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
