Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
