Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
