My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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