He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Never trust a coke fiend...
All I could think about as I read this was Kelso yelling "BUUURN!"
Why the fuck would you go home?
Line...bump... Your nose is on my dick = I win!
I feel sorry for 1-314. I appreciate being so embarrassed you feel you have to leave, but if you've taken on the responsibility to get someone home safely, you don't leave them behind. Asshole.