He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Never trust a coke fiend...
All I could think about as I read this was Kelso yelling "BUUURN!"
Why the fuck would you go home?
I feel sorry for 1-314. I appreciate being so embarrassed you feel you have to leave, but if you've taken on the responsibility to get someone home safely, you don't leave them behind. Asshole.
Line...bump... Your nose is on my dick = I win!