you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
