If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
