is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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