I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
