The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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