fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drive I can fine osifer
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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