My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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