she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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