I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
