I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
