I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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