dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
