So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
