I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
