Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
