Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
