i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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