she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
