when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
