I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
