She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
