Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I could make wine with my vomit
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
