Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize