You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
