I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
