I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
