am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
