So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
