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ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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