The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
youre lurking in front of me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.