i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night