Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
