Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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