There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
