Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
