last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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