Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
