I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
