Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
