dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
