I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
