Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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