you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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