YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
