Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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