There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
