who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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