So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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