Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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