I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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