Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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