What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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