so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
