erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
