i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
