I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
