Taylor Swift is so right about you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
