a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
