and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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