I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
