i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
