He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
