you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am naked and annoyed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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