two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
