PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
