She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
