I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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