WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
