The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
