dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
