He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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